Today is day 1 of a journey I feel ill-equipped to take. I'm afraid, I'm wary of the outcome, I fear that it will result fruitless, but regardless I have to do this. My own King Arthur heroine quest of sorts. Although, rather than deadly dragons and druids I face a winged creature whose snakeheads hiss lies at me, turning me to stone with every move and choice I attempt to make. Keeping me frozen in a perpetual state of inability and illness, keeping me bulimic. Unable to see the person through the venomous looks, becoming nothing more than a monster who wrecks the lives of those around her, crushing each heart one by one. Becoming a Medusa of my own making...
The drive up here was peaceful, the bunkhouse with bohemian light features cold but welcoming. I feel empty clinging to anything I can to find something, or someone that can bring me peace...maybe even myself.
I haven't quite met me in a long time, but I have a feeling she likes to draw get lost in magic, and write... write about the world around her through creative prose that means something different to everyone who reads it but has meaning regardless. I also hope she likes to run, and feel strong. Cuddle up in cozy sweaters, and continue to be fueled by spouts of passion. Yes, that person, that side that has been diminished for so long is welcome to take up room, stretch out into every part of my soul and make a home in me, again.
with love,
~ Ell
