Perfection Is the Goal, Peace is What it Brings

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tweedly tweedly dum!

Have you ever noticed moments in life when your happy? Every time this event happens it makes you happy what ever it is?
I think for me that event is looking at sleeping babies they are so innocent they truly love you for you. It is amazing.
Is it just selfish in my opinion to bring an innocent child into this messed up world? What if you are inadequate and inadvertently make them worse in some way?

Anyway intake wise I have been trying to restrict but I'm just like f it. I feel powerful, happy, and not sick when I'm fasting. So until I can eat something with out my stomach going into knots from the pain this is wear I am at. Exercise has been crap the last week. I do manual labor most of the up the pool , mowing the grass, painting the fence ect. I miss univesity so much...only 128 more days till classes begin!

Yes I am that much of a nerd, but I think school helps give my life meaning, or  at least purpose. Oh and a decent book I would recommend is Dairy of an Anorexic Girl by Morgan Menzie. I bought it and finished it all in the same evening. Quick read so you may  be interested.

Not much to say honestly, except thank you for the lovely comments! They mean a lot to me! Oh and hello to my new followers! Drop me a comment if I have yet to follow you back  because I want to return all the love you give me! 

with love,

Friday, April 13, 2012

very lovely to see as well

Took a random road trip to see one of my closest friends an hour away. Decided this at 11:00pm. Smart ell, no sleep driving, keep it up
Anyway not sure what to do about life. Okay with food but that is my life, meticulously planning, analyzing foods that come my way...I ended my fast today may pick it up again, may just do liquids...I dunno. I love the way i feel living off of water, but I just have no energy to run. so ehh...not sure about what to do.

I think I will just go with what ever I feel tomorrow (well i guess it is tomorrow so today).
I hope you are all doing lovely. I'm sorry...I'm in a rut just trying to think about what everything means, trying to figure out how not to hate myself?
Any answers?
Would greatly be appreciated!
with love,

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Rainy day please come to stay

Intake: zero
intake yesterday: zero
out put:  sit ups push ups pilates, jumping jacks, (today and yesterday)
Goals do what I like because one day you will die and then thats it.
So be happy lovelies. Do what makes your beautiful faces smile!
For me that is taking up less space in this universe than i did the day before.

In  a piculuar mood to say in the least.
Here i'll paint the picture  for you:
sitting in starbucks, sipping some tea, smelling the sweet bitterness of espresso, listening to Regina Spector, contemplating the big scary world we live in, and gazing outside. Times goes so fast, people are always going, moving, trying to find where they belong. I don't think I belong any where maybe that is why I keep taking myself out of the daily races.
I like the thought of belonging nowhere, the place of nowhere is where I'll take residence with all of you by my side.

As I am typing this I am sitting across from living thinspo. She is beautiful, 5'5'' and maybe 103? So wonderful, so inspiring, just so...words can't explain...I want to be smaller but still no one can deny she is beautiful.

with love,

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I'm still alive (barely) Geez I have missed you guys!

Hello you beautiful wonderful truly amazing people. I only have a minute well less than that actually but geez. You won't believe all that has occurred in my life since February. Here it is in short. But don't worry I'll be back soon to most more.
-Was getting really carried away with a fast lost hmm about 13lbs. Wonderful
- same note I was getting really depressed. Still dealing with the loss of my Meme and feeling like I have no direction in life.
- overdosed on some pills: suicide attempt....yea stupid ell what were you thinking.
-my shrink put me under 72 hour observation. Super ya! not
-my parents with drew me from university for the semester. (thanks mum)
-sent me to a nutritionist (gave me a plan to gain!!!!) 
-now I'm back where I started (fml)
- but I have my computer back! so wonderful I had missed you wonderful apple product!!!
-Told my shrink to shove it up is Bottom!  
- Now I am being baby sat less and less each day, working for the pool, and oh ya my birthday was on the 31st of march and now I'm 20. (Crazy!)

So anyway. I loved you missed you if any of you want more info about my sudden disapperance sure I'll go there, but to be honest I'm just so glad to be FREE! I'm just moving forward to my next plan to lose this time with a little more intelligence! Geez Ell...Why were you so stupid!

Love you all sooooooooo MUCH!
with love,