Perfection Is the Goal, Peace is What it Brings

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Twiddle my thumbs...

(0) calories
(-1,475) calories elliptical and bike

So what should I do while I await my fate of tubes, blood pressure cuffs, morning vitals, and complete lock down...twiddle my thumbs? Watch my my chest rise as I inhale oxygen? Maybe watch paint dry?

I feel so restless like I'm awaiting a fate far worse than death...'recovery'
Can I tell you a secret dear parents forcing me into rehab, threatening to quit paying for university, crying we just want you to get better does nothing! It will not make me better!
You simply cannot click your magic red slippers and make me change over night! No, but why not?
Because I have to want to get better! This is not your life but mine!
I'm not saying I'm all pro Ed or whatever!
But I'm not ready I will probably never be and quite honestly I'm okay with that.
Just let me be...
Rant over in other news the scale is being increasingly frustrating its refusing to move....
I realize when not eating it usually happens when I'm not really counting on it, and bam I'll lose like 5lbs in one day! But believe me I am so ready to get there!

Thanks for the encouraging comments, although sometimes I'm not sure they want me to be healthy and happy as much as they would like to ease their guilty conscious, sweep it under the rug and do as my repeatedly says "grow out of this phase".
If only it would be so easy...

Anyway im planning on catching up on your blogs tomorrow so if your following me and I'm not following you back leave me a comment, because I want to invest in yours too!

with love,

I love this picture so quiet and calm, looks like a good place to really think

Monday, August 13, 2012

sometimes, I feel extremely no matter what I do, I will always be in this huge hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper. The worst is the few minute people i reach out to do nothing, they either turn a deaf ear to me or help make it worse. I hate feeling like this, I hate feelings period. They turn me into someone I hate which is weak. Hopeless...

Sorry I have been sporadic with my posts...

with love,