to much...

I have been through to much...
I have done to much...
I am to much...
I haven't been through enough
I haven't done enough...
I am not enough...


The never ending cycle waging its war in my head. The sides both fighting for the same destruction keeping in a perpetual state of confusion. One bomb after another, blowing apart my self esteem, self assurance...

Arguing which I deserve, and which I have not earned.

How can I feel to much and not enough at the same time...How can I hurt so much, but believe I deserve this...

I don't want to need...

I don't need...

I need to be more independent...

I am to needy...

I want to be better...for me, for them, for him, for everyone

I just need to get it together...

with love,
~ell