tired.

Graduating in May.
Honestly I am not even excited. I will be happy to be done, and thankful for the oppertunity to have finished.


But most of the people in my life has made me feel more than less for taking so long. I don't know I just feel like what's the point.

I feel exceptionally defeated and lost.

I have so much guilt.

I have so many things I am embarrassed about.

I am so ashamed of myself.

I want a superior quality life. I know that has to start with forgiveness, myself and others.

I don't know. I'm not sure how to change anything.

I am watching this amazing youtube video about changing your life by fasting and seeking spiritual healing.


I have no idea if I will do it, because I feel so afraid to fail.

But I crave so whole heartedly freedom in Christ, and from my depression, my eating disorder, the constant incessant thoughts I have a million times a day.

I know that through the spirit I can be successful. I can do it, and I really really want that freedom.



rambling and with love,
~ell