Insomnia leaves a weird fog over your thoughts. It makes me question the reality if it all. 
Dig into memories a well rested me easily filters out. 
I have thought about so many things and yet nothing significant. 
I even pretend I'm a sleep In hopes to trick my body. No such luck. 
So as I spend another sleepless night contemplating the universe, I begin to think of it all. It makes me want to cry. 
The same thoughts run through my head
He should have loved me. 
He should have wanted me. 
I was a baby. 
His daughter. 
I hate him, 
No.
 I hate me.
My fault 
My fault 
My fault 
I want to burry these thoughts. Make them burn. So I go to my 24hr gym., and I burn, my legs burn, the evil calories burn. 
Better much better. 
I can breathe now. 
With love, 
~ell
These are the pictures I look at when I'm working out they keep me motivated.
The second picture is my dream body. I literally almost cried when I first saw it. 



i hate it when i cant fall asleep. i cant imagine having to go through that everyday. Im so sorry u have to deal with that:( my mind likes to wander too....all sorts of crazy things...are u talking abt ur dad? just want u to do know, no matter what it was, its not ur fault. If he left u its HIS fault, not urs, pls dnt ever blame urself for someone elses mistakes. its not fair to u:( u have enough to deal with already w/o blaming urself over something that isnt even ur fault. just wondering, do sleeping pills work? and thanks for sharing the thinspo, absolutely beautiful<3
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