Perfection Is the Goal, Peace is What it Brings

Friday, September 21, 2012

Insomnia

Insomnia leaves a weird fog over your thoughts. It makes me question the reality if it all.
Dig into memories a well rested me easily filters out.
I have thought about so many things and yet nothing significant.
I even pretend I'm a sleep In hopes to trick my body. No such luck.
So as I spend another sleepless night contemplating the universe, I begin to think of it all. It makes me want to cry.
The same thoughts run through my head
He should have loved me.
He should have wanted me.
I was a baby.
His daughter.
I hate him,
No.
I hate me.
My fault
My fault
My fault

I want to burry these thoughts. Make them burn. So I go to my 24hr gym., and I burn, my legs burn, the evil calories burn.

Better much better.

I can breathe now.

With love,
~ell

These are the pictures I look at when I'm working out they keep me motivated.

The second picture is my dream body. I literally almost cried when I first saw it.

1 comment:

  1. i hate it when i cant fall asleep. i cant imagine having to go through that everyday. Im so sorry u have to deal with that:( my mind likes to wander too....all sorts of crazy things...are u talking abt ur dad? just want u to do know, no matter what it was, its not ur fault. If he left u its HIS fault, not urs, pls dnt ever blame urself for someone elses mistakes. its not fair to u:( u have enough to deal with already w/o blaming urself over something that isnt even ur fault. just wondering, do sleeping pills work? and thanks for sharing the thinspo, absolutely beautiful<3

    ReplyDelete

Your word are inspiring!